Scar Tissue

It’s hard not to get frustrated sometimes. I don’t have the independence I’m used to, and I’m trying to keep myself busy with little tasks to stave off the boredom. A long, slow recovery is often difficult to deal with.

But then I have to remind myself that I’ve come a long way. It was only twelve weeks ago that I was airlifted into hospital with a serious spinal injury, a head injury, internal bleeding and several broken bones.

For days I couldn’t turn over without five members of staff being there to support me, and even after my operations I could hardly sit up in bed without needing incredibly strong painkillers on hand. It took me days to learn to walk again, and it was only a few weeks ago that I was able to walk around without the help of my crutch.

Considering the gravity of the situation, it was miraculous that I was out of hospital two weeks after the accident, and I guess I’d assumed that my recovery would proceed at the same speed. Yet it has been a slow process, and there is still some way to go.

It’s hard not to be self-conscious about my scars, and still difficult to explain to people who haven’t heard about the accident why I sit at home all day. Now the crutch has gone and I’ve relinquished the need for my sling, it’s tough to explain to someone why I need a seat on the train when my injuries are not immediately obvious.

It’s a constant rollercoaster of energy levels, pain, and frustration. I know I have a lot to be thankful for, which I am. But it’s hard not to feel vulnerable, frightened, and a bit helpless at moments.

I don’t feel like this all the time. Far from it. I am determined to make the most of this situation, and deal with it all with a smile on my face. But I guess, like all things, life isn’t always that simple.

Published in: on October 28, 2009 at 1:46 pm  Leave a Comment  

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